Jack The Super Farmer III The Beginnings
by hmking
Summary: This story takes place two years before the first JTSF story. It tells of how Jack became the super farmer. The title sucks, but this is the best of the three JTSF stories.
1. HELP WANTED

Two Years Before The Geek-Lord Incident

"I don't see why you have to go Cliff"  
"I just do Ann. There's no place for me here. I have no job...no place to live"  
"I told you that you could live at the Inn! We have plenty of room! It's not like anyone else other than you has ever visited the Inn"  
"That takes care of a place to live, but I stil have no job"  
Out of nowhere pops Jack, the new farmer who moved to Mineral Town after his beloved elderly farmer friend died.  
"Hey...uh...your name is Cliff right"  
"Yeah. What do ya want"  
"Word on the street is that your looking for a job"  
"If you can call you snooping in on our conversation the 'word on the street', then yeah, I'm looking for a job"  
"Well I can help you! Duke from the Aja Winery is in some need of help. He told me to help him out on a regular basis, but I got a farm to run and well, you need a job"  
"REALLY! THANK-YOU JACK! THANK-YOU!" So Cliff dashes to the Aja Winery.  
"I heard you needed some help Mr. Duke"  
"Ah yes, I do! I'm getting too old and cranky for this line of work. Besides, the wife tells me I need a break from all of this alchohol. BUT HICCUP! OF COURSE... HICCUP THAT'S NON HICCUP SENSE"  
"So what do I have to do"  
"Well, normally you'd have to do walk around in circles and pretend to look at the wine all day. Unfortunantly, Jack will be helping us out tomorrow, so he'll be doing some of the looking. You just Walk around all day"  
"Seems easy enough."

The next day, Cliff and Jack meet in the basement of Aja Winery with Duke.  
"Okay...Jack you inspect the wine and make sure its all here. Use this check sheet to make sure it is. Cliff, you walk around and pretend like what you do is important"  
"I'm good at that"  
"I'm sure you are. Well guys, I'll be back around noon." says a semi sober Duke as he stumbles up the stairs.  
"I just want to thank you again Jack. If it weren't for you, I'd be leaving Mineral Town"  
"Oh it's nothing. Hey...Look at this wine bottle. It's dated back to 1666...whoa...the last three numbers are"  
"six...six...six"  
"Exactly. I wonder what it tastes like"  
"I don't know. Let's drink some"  
"Are you sure we should"  
"Why not"  
"Well the bottle is very old and its glowing as if it contains some sort of life changing magical force of doom"  
"Hakunamatata"  
"What"  
"I dunno. I saw it in a movie once. It means drink the glowing 1666 wine"  
"Well if it was in a movie...okay." With a gulp and a glug, Jack and Cliff drink the ancient glowing wine"  
"Whoa...That was weird...I think my stomach is fizzing"  
"You mean your throat Jack"  
"No...my stomach is fizzing...and gurgling now"  
"Mine isn't. Guess I didn't drink enough of it!" With that, Cliff drinks the rest of the bottle.  
"AH! THERE'S THE FIZZ...AND THE GURGLE...AND THE"  
"Explosion"  
"EXPLOSION! AHHH...wait no...you idiot. There's a popping sound...a sound that sounds like rap music...ew..." PHHHHBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTT!  
"EW CLIFF! You...well ya know"  
"Farted"  
"YOU CAN'T SAY FART IN THIS STORY! IT HAS TO BE CLEAN AND WHOLESOME FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY"  
"Jack...We just drank a ton of wine, not to mention the fact that Duke was drunk during his lines! I don't think the word FART is really that big of a deal compared to the drinking and drunkness"  
"Meh...true. OH MY HARVEST GODDESS! YOU'RE GLOWING"  
"Speak for yourself"  
"AH! OH MY HARVEST GODDESS! I'M GLOWING! AAHHHH"  
"Why do I have the sudden urge to harm you and the rest of Mineral Town"  
"I'm not sure but why do I have the sudden urge to stop you from harming me and the rest of Mineral Town"  
Suddenly, Cliff's skin turns turns gray, eyes turn bright glowing green, and his clothes turn black.  
"CLIFF! WHAT'S GOING ON! OH NO! I'M CHANGING TOO! AHHH"  
"WHO IS CLIFF? I AM CLIFF-LORD, THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF MINERAL TOWN"  
"HEY!" Yells Duke, "What's with all the ruckus HICCUP! Jack! Cliff! Where are you"  
"I TOLD YOU FOOLISH DRUNKARD! I AM CLIFF-LORD, THE SUPREME OVERLORD OF MINERAL TOWN"  
"AND I AM JACK, THE SUPER FARMER! I SHALL DESTROY YOU CLIFF-LORD"  
"OH MY HARVEST GODDESS!" Screams Duke, "TELL ME YOU DIDN'T DRINK THE 1666 GLOWING WINE! THAT IS THE GLOWING 1666 LIFE CHANGING MAGICAL FORCE OF DOOM WINE"  
"OH WE DID AND IT WAS YUMMY! MWAHAHAHAHAHA"  
"Yes, I admit, I had a sip"  
"Oh crap"  
"ENOUGH POINTLESS TALKING FOOLISH DRUNKARD AND SUPER HERO WANNA BE! I, CLIFF-LORD, HAVE THINGS TO BLOW UP AND PEOPLE TO ANNOY!" With that, the newly created (Thanks to the Glowing 1666 Life Changing Magical Force Of Doom Wine) Cliff-Lord dashes up the stairs and out of the winery. "Are you all right Jack"  
"My name is JACK THE SUPER FA...Oh Whatever. For the sake of keeping my name consistent in all three JTSF stories, just call me Jack"  
"Like I said, Are you all right Jack"  
"I think so Duke. What makes that wine so magical"  
"I'm not sure. All I know is that if you drink it, you are given powers. BUT! If you drink too much of it, you will get the powers AND you will be made evil. That must be why Cliff became evil and you did not." "That makes sense. I drank a little sip and Cliff drank the rest"  
"HE DRANK THE REST! That's not good! He's nearly unstoppable by now then"  
"What should we do Duke"  
"Get ready for the battle of your life"  
"Gee...I've never fought a battle in my life before...Oh wait...there was that time that last week when one of my chickens got loose and I had to"  
"Whatever...Go prepare"  
So our newly created hero leaps up the Aja Winery Basement stairs in a single leap. He then dashes home and prepares for battle. 


	2. Gimme Da Apples 'n Honey!

"Alrighty Gotz!" yells our villain, "You are going to be constructing for me a massive destruction device"  
"Not right now Cliff...I'm too depressed. What's point of getting up today? What's the point of doing anything anyway? What's the point of hearing people say that you won't ammount to anything anyway"  
"Listen Gotz, I'm really not in the mood for your pathetic depression. Just build me the stupid thing"  
"Look I'm really sorry Cliff, but nobody likes me...Nobody loves me...Might as well just eat worms. Big ones...Fat ones"  
"Will you do it if I give you a ton of honey and apples"  
"Heck yeah"  
"Fine. I'll be right back you old baboon"  
"And you wonder why I'm constantly depressed"  
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a"  
So our villain sneaks into Jack's farm, steals a bunch of honey and apples and gives them all to Gotz.  
"Are you happy now"  
"Yes...yes I am. Okay Cliff, what do ya want me to make"  
"Here, I got it all on these blue prints"  
"I see...5,000 lumber...sixty two million gold and I can get it done"  
"Gotz, I don't have that much money. I can get the lumber though. I know of a great donator"  
"Fine. I'll build it if you provide the lumber"  
"Good"  
"Only one condition though. You get back at Jack for me"  
"What do you got in mind"  
"I was thinking something like making him the enemy of everyone in town"  
"How can I do that"  
"See this golden log? That's how. It has some magical power to it. It makes everyone within a mile away bother you and hate you"  
"Alright Gotz, I'll do it for you." So our most dark and hated villain leaps into action. Once again, he steals apples and honey from Jack and then returns them to Gotz.  
"Here Gotz. I'll take care of Jack after you make the machine." "Fair enough. We got a problem"  
"What? Already? It's only the second chapter of the fan fiction"  
"Well see these metal sheets and pipes you need"  
"Yeeeessss"  
"Well I can't make those. I work with wood, not metal. Try talking to Saibara. He's the metal guy"  
So Cliff-Lord dashes over to Saibara's with a boatload of silver and copper.  
"Well of course I can make them! I'll need time and money"  
"How about you take care of the money part, and I'll make sure you get all of the time you need"  
"Well, that works. NOW GET OUT! I NEED TIME FOR THIS! COME BACK IN A DAY!" 


	3. Battle Time

At his farm, our hero prepares for the battle... "Alrighty, I'll need my hoe, my hammer, my axe, my sickle (what fun I'll have with that), AND my faithful horse, Skippy"  
So Jack The Super Farmer hops onto Skippy and dashes to the Inn.  
"That's it Cliff! Give it up!" "HAHA! Yeah right Jack. Thanks to Gotz and Saibara, I have constructed the ultimate machine of mayhem! I call it... D.T.M.J.T.S.F"  
"What's it stand for"  
"Destroy The Moron Jack The Super Farmer"  
"Oh come on! That's a REALLY stupid name"  
"Shut up! Ya think YOU gotta better name"  
"Yeah. How about S.D.M.M.T.D.J.T.S.F...AKA Super Destructive Machine Made To Destroy Jack The Super Farmer"  
"I like it. NOW! Witness the powers of S.D.M.M.T.D.J.T.S.F...AKA Super Destructive Machine Made To Destroy Jack The Super Farmer!" With that pointless repeat of the machine's name, our most hated villain flips the massive switch labeled 'START S.D.M.M.T.D.J.T.S.F...AKA Super Destructive Machine Made To Destroy Jack The Super Farmer!'. After a putter and poot, the machine swings its massive arms and grabs our beloved hero.  
"Hey! Let me go"  
"I cannot do that Jack for I am evil. And being evil, I hold the right to allow my machine to destroy you"  
"But you were once good"  
"Haha! Dear dear Jack! I cannot turn good again, because that would be cliche good guy gone bad gone story! That would cause the author to lose readers. And he can't bare to lose anymore"  
"True, but at least give me a chance to fight your machine"  
"Oh fine!" With a sigh of annoyance, our villain flips another switch labeled ' Pilot S.D.M.M.T.D.J.T.S.F...AKA Super Destructive Machine Made To Destroy Jack The Super Farmer Manually'. After doing so, the machine grabs Cliff (while letting go of our hero) and places him into a cockpit.  
"Alrighty Jack! Bring it on! And PLEASE don't say its already been broughten"  
"Fair enough." With that, our hero hops onto Skippy and pulls out his hammer.  
"Oh a hammer...How pathetic Jack! This machine has hammer proof armor. That armor covers all but one place on the machine! And I won't tell you where"  
"It's the cockpit! It's made of glass, which isn't hamemr proof armor covered!" Yells Saibara.  
"Saibara, why the heck are you here"  
"Sorry Cliff-Lord, but I can't betray Jack! He's been helping me get over my obsession with the Harvest Sprites! I just can't completely betray him"  
"You will pay for you stupidity Saibara! I shall switch one characteristic of yours with one of Jacks! I'll give him the obsession with the Harvest Sprites and you with his obsession for chocolate cake"  
"I suddenly have a craving for chocolate cake"  
"And I suddenly have a craving for Harvest Sprites"  
"Well this is great! Now I can destroy you while you think about nothing but the Harvest Sprites"  
"Not so fast Clifford"  
"ARGH! That's cliff-Lord...not Clifford"  
"Whatever." So our hero leaps off Skippy and slams his hammer onto the cockpit of S.D.M.M.T.D.J.T.S.F...AKA Super Destructive Machine Made To Destroy Jack The Super Farmer with all his might"  
"JACK YOU FREAK! YOU SHATTERED THE COCKPIT! ARGH! YOU WILL PAY!" So Cliff activitates the Verbal Piloting Mode.  
"MACHINE! GRAB JACK AND THROW HIM INTO THE AIR!" "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"  
"MACHINE! Take Jack's sickle! Now JACK! ME AND MY MACHINE CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL! CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON"  
"I choose the hoe and horse"  
"Very well!" With an evil smerk, the machine charges at Jack. Being fast and what not, our hero easily dodges the machine and slams his hoe into the ground, causing an earthquake which brings the Inn crashing down on Cliff and his machine"  
"It looks like you and your machine are done Cliffy"  
"FIRST of all...It's Cliff-Lord or Cliff...not Cliffy. SECOND of all my machine may be done, but I am not"  
"I see. Saibara! Remember that cheese maker I asked you to make me? Is it done yet"  
"Yeah. I was waiting for you to pick it up"  
"Go get it. I'll be needing it"  
"CHEESE!" Yells Cliff, "ANYTHING BUT CHEESE"  
"Here it is Jack"  
"I will now pour milk into it and magically make a ton of cheese!" So that's what he does.  
"ANYTHING BUT CHEESE! AH"  
"Yes Cliff, cheese, the only thing that will reverse the effects of the 1666 Glowing Wine!" So our hero throws a block of cheese at our villain.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Suddenly, Cliff's hair, clothes, and eyes turn back to normal.  
"Your back to normal Cliff"  
"Whoa...that was...whoa"  
"Yeah, it was. Saibara, take Cliff to the Clinic. Here's ten gold to pay for the check up"  
"Okay"  
While Saibara takes Cliff to the Clinic, our hero rushes off to see Gotz"  
"Gotz, Cliff is back to normal"  
"It appears you are not"  
"Yeah, I've decided to stay like this forever. That way I can protect Mineral Town forever more"  
"Well I see there's no evil in you, so I guess it's okay."

GOTZ WAS CORRECT THAT THERE WAS NO EVIL IN JACK...EXCEPT FOR HIS OBSESSION WITH THE HARVEST SPRITES... 


End file.
